Final Piece 1

Well, as I am your Head Teacher, I guess I owe you some kind of retirement speech, something to conclude my career here and wish you the best of luck on your way. Isuppose you think that I am going to stand here and waffle on about what an amazing twenty years I have had here as your head teacher. I expect you want me to talk about what an honour it has been to be a part of this school. I presume you think that I am going to praise you all and cry tears of ultimate sadness about how much I will miss you all. But, I’m not going to do that. Why? Because I couldn’t care less. I am absolutely ecstatic to see the back of you. The last two decades of my life that I have spent teaching at this school have been the most miserable, depressing, despairing years of my entire life. Oh, I see that some of you are astonished by this, you shouldn’t be! Try putting up with your tatty uniform, your careless attitudes and your foolish behaviour day after day, week after week. It gets boring, incredibly boring. Do you think I actually care about your futures? You could end up on the streets begging for money for all I care, and even that is more than half of you deserve.

 It’s the same thing every single day, you’re all in secondary school yet you act like a bunch of monkeys that have been released in a zoo. I can’t quite believe that I have managed to put up with your tedious ways for so long, I deserve some kind of award for my patience. My retirement will consist of peace, relaxation and no disgusting, hormonal teenagers pestering me eight hours a day. For twenty long years I have had to wake up every morning at 5:45 dreading what the day will bring me, and on weekends when I think that I have finally got two days break from you all, I have to mark your effortless work or reply to emails from concerned parents asking me to resolve your problems. Do you not think that I have better things to do? Do you think my entire life revolves around you? Take some responsibility for yourselves! Grow up! If you have a little argument with a colleague when you’re at work, do you think that your mummy and daddy can email your boss asking them to solve the problem?! You’ll get laughed at! Honesty, its completely and utterly pathetic! I’ve never encountered such an embarrassing bunch of people in all of my existence!

As for the members of staff. Well, where can I even begin? Minus a couple of you, you all do my head in. You think you’re doing me favours, think you’re helping me out when in reality, you make everything one hundred times worse. All you do all day long is panic and stress about every minor detail. “ooh, we’ve run out of toilet paper in the girls bathroom!”, “The sugar pot in the staff room is empty!”, honestly, you would think that the sky was falling down! You are incapable of doing anything for yourselves, you do nothing but hassle me! You are just as bad as the children. What kind of example do you think that you’re setting for them? No wonder they are so awful, they lead by example. I can’t believe you all look so shocked, how do you think you would feel if you had to deal with all your constant moaning and complaining? Oh, and I’m pretty surprised that you all thought I had any interest in your outside lives at all. “Have a good holiday?” I might say, but that doesn’t mean I actually care. I don’t care about any of you to be quite honest.

The amount of hard work I have put into this school has gone completely unnoticed the entire time that I have been here. Think you could’ve had a new canteen without my help? Think every one of the school’s productions hasn’t been all down to me? Ungrateful bunch of delinquents. It’s because of your selfish ways that I have grown to hate my job, I loved it at first. Thought it was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Boy, was I wrong! Oh, and as for your GCSE and A Level results, you’re a laughing stock! 75% of you failed to pass basic subjects like English, Maths and Science. Even half of you failed RE! You are completely thick! Of course, the blame isn’t entirely on the students. If the staff were able to do their jobs correctly I’m sure a lot more of you would have passed. But unfortunately the majority of them are incapable of doing anything that doesn’t involve drinking tea and coffee and scoffing all the biscuits in the staff room. We have nothing to be proud of here at this school.

We don’t have a caring community, none of you have any respect, you make a mockery of the school uniform, your parents do nothing but bug me, the staff have limited teaching abilities, and it’s all one big joke! I’m surprised the school hasn’t been shut down, none of you are worth investing in. Our recent Ofsted report was laughable, let’s face it, this school is never going to get an outstanding, it’s not even worth a good! They said that they were disappointed with the lack of focus and respect displayed by the students, and thought that many of you needed to improve on your manners and effort. They also said that the staff didn’t display any kind of care or interest in what the students were doing, they just sat there and endured the foolish behaviour. So in conclusion, you are all as bad as each other.

Well, I hope you have all enjoyed hearing the truth about how I feel to be leaving the school. And if you haven’t, I don’t care. I’m finally free.